This was a funny email email I got! It's too funny!
A source told me that several R&B female artists came together and were planning to kidnap Beyonce at the MTV Video Music Awards. Several of these artists met to go over their plan. Here is an excerpt from that meeting:
Ashanti : I would like to call to order this meeting of FHAB, Famous Haters Against Beyonce. Is everyone here? Amerie?
Ashanti : Janet?
Ashanti : KeKe Wyatt
KeKe: Here, and I can sing better than Beyonce.
Ashanti : Ok, that's good to know even though nobody asked you.
Ashanti : Has anybody seen Mya?
Amerie: Umm, her cell phone was cut off, and the manager at Target says she no longer works there.
Ashanti : Jennifer Hudson, why are you here? You have talent!
Jennifer: I heard there was cake.
KeKe: I can cut it for you. I can cut cake BETTER THAN BEYONCE!
Ashanti : Thank you KeKe. After you cut the cake please put the knife back where you found it.
Ashanti : As we all know, Beyonce is continuing to sh*t on us on a daily basis. I was suppose to have the single of the summer with "Switch" and now that nobody cares about it I have to pretend that it was just a buzz single. I don't even know when my album is coming out. Amerie's album has been pushed back again, and Mya's album may not come out at all. Beyonce's unborn children's albums have release dates but we can't get ours released! SHE MUST BE STOPPED! All of our plans to get rid of Beyonce have failed.
Janet: I honestly didn't think she would last this long. When she performed at the Super Bowl, I took my titty out and shook it around a little hoping it would steal all the attention away from her.
Ashanti : And what happened?
Janet: That didn't work out quite the way I thought it would...
Amerie: Yes, I put Vaseline on the bottom of her shoes at her Orlando show, and she did slip and fall but that heffa got right back up and started
spinning and rotating that wig. I don't even think she's human. She's evil!
PURE EVIL! She must be stopped!
Ashanti : OK, as we know the MTV awards are coming up. None of us have sold an album since 2002, so Jennifer you are the only person who has been invited to the show so we need your help with this plan.
Jennifer: Do I get cake?
Ashanti : Nevermind all that. At around 7PM Beyonce will arrive. At around 8PM, Beyonce will head backstage to meanmug Rhianna. At 8:05PM we need you to lure her out in the parking lot with a pork chop and cheese sandwich, me and Amerie will sneak up and tie her up, Imma see if I can borrow my mom's Astrovan, and we will put her in the back and knock her out. While she's passed out we will drop her off in the middle of the desert in Saudi Arabia. Assuming she doesn't get too frisky with the camels, I'm estimating that it will take her about a month to escape. During this time we will try to release our albums without her upstaging us. We have 3 release dates in October since Alicia Keys is coming on the 23rd and will probably sh*t on us too. I will take October 9. Ok, Who wants Ocotber 16?
Janet: I want Ocotber 16.
Amerie: Why do you get October 16?
Janet: Excuse me, I did Rhythm Nation, OK! My brother did Thriller! I am a legend dammit! I am a Jackson ! And now I have to sleep with a Midget Monkeyman just to stay relevant! I am 41 years old! I AM TOO *** OLD TO BE f**king FOR TRACKS!!!
Ashanti : Ok, Janet, calm down. Have some cake.
Jennifer: NO! MY CAKE! (slaps Janet)
Ashanti : Jennifer that cake was for everybody! See this is why we can't even get our albums released. We're too busy arguing, fighting, eating, and stabbing to get anything accomplished. And Beyonce is still sh*tting on us. We need to focus.
(TO BE CONTINUED...)