This is a forum post by the user HandsomeStallion
: So I was at this trading conference last week and I was speaking with this married couple. Don't ask me how the conversation got to this point, but we began discussing open relationships.
The couple have been married for 30 years with 3 kids. Their arrangement is that they both look at the possible "candidates" for whom one of them sleep with. If they both agree with the individual chosen, and they're clean (free from STDs etc.) then they get the go ahead to sleep with either the husband or wife.
I asked them what's the point in getting married if you're still gonna sleep with other peeps?
Well they said everyone has their own interpretation of marriage and their own unique vows. As long as they both consent to which person they sleep with, their marriage is still strong. To them it's only ***. It's only natural that they will be sexually attracted to someone else and still love their partner. It isn't cheating as long as they both know about it.
To be fair, I was still asking why be together if they are gonna *** with other peeps. But they told me their marriage was deeper than just ***. Monogamy *** solidify what a strong marriage should be. That's why alot of people get divorced, because the fact is you're always going to want to sleep with other people but still value your relationship marriage.
It was a deep conversation. They made some good points. Me personally, I wouldn't want to see my s/o get pressed by another guy. Then again, the fact is, even if you're married, it will never be your ***/***. Period. You never own their ***. Just a fact. Maybe that's why Will and Jada have lasted so long.
So what do you peeps think?
***, I feel you on that, but it goes both ways. Men and women *** feel sexually restricted in a marriage then again I'm not married so it's hard for me to judge.
I just don't see the point in getting married if you're still gonna *** around. I mean financially, getting married makes sense, but from a moral standpoint, getting married and having an open relationship serves only as a oxymoron to me.
***, I feel you on that, but it goes both ways. Men and women *** feel sexually restricted in a marriage then again I'm not married so it's hard for me to judge.
I just don't see the point in getting married if you're still gonna *** around. I mean financially, getting married makes sense, but from a moral standpoint, getting married and having an open relationship serves only as a oxymoron to me.
All men cheat...even if you marry the fattest man in the world if *** cames his way hell take it and expecially if the gurl is fine. so there is no reason to be faithfull.
People make marriage to be like your in prison, & it's not like that at all if you have a good one. If you have a good relationship to begin with, your not going to want to look for other people. Just because people say they are STD free, doesn't mean they are. In this point in time, you can not take any chances.
HandsomeStallion Flag post mabeline, so would you rather your s/o be miserable and unhappy, rather than letting him get his rocks off with a woman you both a agree with for one ***, and then getting back to being happy in the relationship again?
Monogamy *** be the foundation for a strong relationship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If either of us are unhappy I would hope we can communicate same and agree to both try and work it out without involving others sexually or, both agree to end the relationship
communication and respect should be the foundation for a strong relationship!
blueyez84, people can have good relationships but still be sexually attracted to the opposite ***. It's not because it's not working in the bedroom at home, the fact is, from which I can only say from a male perspective, new ***= good ***.
It's just how it is. A relationship can be perfect but the idea of sleeping with someone else is too lucrative to alot of males/females.
Also, the couple told me they personally go with the person to get tested and they get to know them for a while first. They don't just pick them off the street.
mabeline, my point is, everything can be good in a relationship, but you can never deny the strong urges one could have for the opposite ***. It's impossible. Anyone who's in a relationship and says they wouldn't wanna have *** with some they find attractive is lying.
Obviously peeps say 'control your urges' but what would one *** hurt out of years and years of a relationship? Would the thought of your man sleeping with another woman you both agree on hurt? Is the idea of him getting down with someone else other than you be to distressful?
well i guess its the guys ive been with is making me think they way i do becuase there all cute and when a cute guy gets girls chasing after him hes likes that then he cheats ***************************************
girls will chase any guy.. depending on where his head is will let you know if he will cheat or not...
Hey evry1
@HS
I say nay because that's not the type of relationship that I would like to maintain....I just cannot see how having an open relationship can help any romantic/serious monogomous (i guess lol) relationship..
..but that's why I also wrote "for me"..
i guess it all depends on where a couple (acting as one single unit) is emotionally AND mentally..
BLACKBERRYGOLD, so if you were in a relationship for five years and your man came up to you and kept it real saying that he wants to sleep with this one woman to get it out of his system, would you discuss it with him and possibly agree once meeting her? Or would you quickly dismiss the idea and dump him?
Is it worth throwing away five years for one *** of gratification?
HS... No I don't. I'm fully aware that his diick is his and my *** is mine... I've done the 1 *** stand thing before when I wasn't in a Relationship and I enjoy feeling that Love and affection that comes along with giving yourself to the man you love.. But I do believe any degree of openness will work, if only you talk about it long enough and are honest with each other about the situation. One of the worst things that could happen would be one of the two hiding their feelings, so not to hurt the other person.. they might end up having to be unhappy about it for the rest of the relationship...which can end badly
HandsomeStallion Flag post BLACKBERRYGOLD, so if you were in a relationship for five years and your man came up to you and kept it real saying that he wants to sleep with this one woman to get it out of his system, would you discuss it with him and possibly agree once meeting her? Or would you quickly dismiss the idea and dump him?
Is it worth throwing away five years for one *** of gratification? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's funny how the last thing you wrote to me was going to be the first thing I wrote back to you.. ;)
Obviously, we have opposing views on this matter. You feel that outside *** is nothing, and if I'm not mistaken, it's almost as if you are justifying outside *** with 'it's only satisfying my physical'...So, in other words, your significant other may not be the only woman to satisfy u sexually, but she is the only woman who is connected to you emotionally (she's the only one that has ur heart??)
I could be wrong, but I'm going to base the rest of my response to you on what I wrote above, lol
Maybe our values on relationships & committment differ, but one thing's for sure-our self control, and self sustaining is quite the opposite of each other's!
Basically, I think self control is what it comes down to on this matter. No amount of discussions, agreements, arrangements (and so on) can hide the initial idea/actuality that one or more parties in the relationship wants to step outside of the (supposedly sacred) relationship...
Whatever thoughts/feelings expressed during or after the primary moment u or ur partner discovers that he or she has no self control (but they wanna disguise it under "open relationship") are merely excuses to support their wanting to have *** with other people.
That's jus how i c it tho
WOWcomedy Flag post Playing Maxwell .. A womans Work .. Dreaming of Ko-Ko's Avi's .. and Letting her know I.. Got alot of love in me left ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*** Flag post @Wow
*in my Eryka Badu zone*
I know .. i know I'm selfish but I....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*all IN grown folk bidness, but LMAO..that was all funny *** cute at the same dayum time*
*all IN grown folk bidness, but LMAO..that was all funny *** cute at the same dayum time*
*****************
@BBG
Lemme find out you catchin on. I remember my Mommy and Dad use to do sneaky sh!t like that and didn't think we would catch on .. talm bout
"turn off the lights and lite a candle" that meant it was time to put our azz to bed so her and my Daddy can get their freak on, lol!
If you are really in love with your spouse, you wouldn't want to do anything that would mess that up. You rarely see people being married 50+ years & its a beautfil thing when you do. How did they stay together that long? because they stayed together through whatever *** came at them in life. If your relationship is just based on ***, the love ain't going to work. You need both. If your giving yourself away to different people, how do you expect to give the relationship your in 100%. Love is beautiful, if your with the right person.
Hmmmm...let's see. Yay or nay to other vijayjay?? Nope, it's not worth it. Flirting from a distance, a very long distance is as far as I could take it, and I'm trying to even stop that. I think I flirt because of my ugly complex.
What is there to gain by cheating? Once you hit, all the sexual desire you had for that person it GONE. As far as the open marriage thing, I agree (not jumping on no bandwagon) with HS, I couldn't fathom the idea of my wife getting it from another man.
BlackNoise Flag post DEAD @ all the desire iz gone after u hit it
Dats pretty much true too unless there was somethin more than lust there to begin with. After u get it everyway u can get it, da mystery and anticipation is done ************************* EXACTLY, that is why I don't let females get to know me and I don't get to know them.
the problem is y'all females get lazy as *** in the bed after a period of time,... in the begining we get the anytime anywhere ***,.. we get that slobby *** nasty pornstar i wanna marry u head...then it all fades so we go to the next *** and start the cycle with her and we just keep bouncing...if y'all just suck a little more dik and be a little more ho'ish with ur man u wouldnt have these issues
That would be a yay.
I don't believe in busting up marriages over carnal desires. I DO believe in being PRUDENT and NOT going on *** binges because 'she don't mind.'
As a woman, the idea of sleeping around with diff men is not my thing- however, when my man is on xtra grind time and is working hard, i like to give him lil' surprises. I have a few european girl friends that are very *ahem* open minded and one time when i was out of town visiting fam, i had her come by to 'check' on my dude. I don't worry about feelings getting caught, its a risk you take, but it keeps things interesting and he knows the next broad probably wouldnt get down like that - or cook him up delish dishes from around the world- or just be the FRIEND that I have been. If things go left, like they sometimes do, I know that life goes on... I know a LOT of women that have lost their esteem and their MINDS worrying about what their BF/spouses are doing. Most men know how to separate love from ***, and just because he stuck it to some trick doesnt mean he doesnt love his GF or wife. Its NOT worth it. My opinion.
@handsome your topics are always more interesting than MTO's. LOL
